me, circa ... 2007? 2006? ish?

I just ran across this old thing in a random doc folder. It was made in response to all those email questionnaires that my friends kept forwarding, that ask you what your favourite colour, food, song, everything is, and hypotheticals about being stuck on a desert island. And I thought those were boring questions, so I polled some friends and put together this little questionnaire, which I thought asked questions that were significantly more interesting and broad.

I sent it off to my mailing list at the time, and got some back, which was cool to see what my friends had said about themselves. Don't know if it ever really took off, though. Feel free to fill it out yourself and email it to me or let me know you've posted it, or something – these are questions I definitely like reading the answers to.

My answers, from the time of composition (I might get around to doing it again sometime soon, I wonder if the answers will be much different?):

1. Physical description:

Mostly kind of “average-slash”. Average brown/blond hair, average green/blue/grey eyes, average nice/boring face, average height… I don’t know if my build is average, but it’s kind of like those lovely ladies Rubens so enjoyed painting. Stocky/a little plump… but averagely so.

2. Personality description:

Stable like a gyroscope. In a mostly frictionless environment. Intelligent, creative, brash, interested in many many things, love to discuss many many things in order to discover new perspectives and ideas from other people (to broaden rather than justify my own understanding at all costs). I analyse things too much, or so I’m told; I didn’t realise this sort of thing was regulated, but now that I’ve totally blown my limit, what’s the point of stopping? I’m taking this thing to Mexico… I’d like to have an “artistic temperament”, but I can’t take myself seriously enough. And the whole thing – meaning Me – is “under new management” – meaning the Holy Spirit – but the transition is decidedly rocky. Oh, and I have a sneaking little suspicion that I’m not quite normal.

3. In one sentence, what is the meaning of life?

To glorify God.

4. What qualities do you have that would make you a good totalitarian dictator?

I’m pretty good at getting my own way if I don’t care about the consequences, and I understand that’s a helpful thing in a determined dictator… I can justify just about anything with spurious, morally bankrupt logic and pettifogging… I can muster very convincing confidence and certainty in myself, not to mention bring quite startling amounts of arrogance and intimidation to bear on people. Uh… in theory, that is…

5. If your life was a novel/movie, what would the title and/or tagline be?

Title: “The Art of the Ramble On”; Tagline: “God has a sense of humour, and it’s better than mine.”

6. Ideally, who would score/perform the soundtrack of your life, and why?

Thomas Newman (composer for movies “American Beauty” and “A Series of Unfortunate Events”, and the title theme for “Six Feet Under” tv show, among others) and Sam Beam from the band Iron + Wine would collaborate on composing – Newman for the wry whimsy, Beam for the surreal, playful noir. I guess I’d leave it to their discretion who they got to perform to material, since I’m no music expert; but going according to my tastes, the major recurring artists/bands would be the John Butler Trio (for their lean sound, and Butler’s intimate, eloquent guitar – and his voice, impassioned and knowing, is pretty good too), Eva Cassidy for her soulful sweetness, Nina Simone for her power, boldness and sass, and Dusty Springfield for her smoky sensuality. And of course Iron + Wine would be quite welcome, too. I think those mostly fit my moods and whatnot best, if not always my personality… Oh, and Eric Bibb can do all the blues + roots/gospel stuff.

7. What character traits have you inherited from your parents?

A significantly skewed way of reacting to the world from my mum (although not skewed the same way as her), and a kind of bull-headed dependability from my dad. I’m basically 50/50 of mum and dad (as opposed to my brothers, who take more after one parent each), but my parents are so far apart on any spectrum that exists that the really interesting thing is how their traits mix and war in me. If that sounds melodramatic, try growing up with it on the outside and the inside. “Schismatic” barely begins to describe it… but in a fun way.

8. What is your earliest memory?

My earliest distinguishable memories come from a holiday to Fiji when I was three; I can still remember distinct but kind of boring stuff, like our cabin on the boat (horrible dark khaki/green bed covers – that colour sticks in the mind); but I can also remember stuff like piggy-backing my dad as he snorkled about the reefs (he didn’t dive while he had me on his back!) with my own mask so I could stick my little head under and look whenever I wanted. That was pretty neat. And I remember being fascinated by the coconuts, or maybe it was the coconut trees, but I have no idea why. I certainly gave climbing them my best shot, but I don’t think I was wildly successful.

9. What do you hope will be your last words?

“Oh, the irony…” No, I don’t know why.

10. What new thing did you learn today?

How pointless, amusing and long message-board threads can get when discussing “trivial” military nomenclature “errors” made by movie adaptations of sci-fi computer games – and how they inevitably degenerate into claims that “ninjas would so kick marines’ asses!”

11. a) In ten years time, how much is it going to matter that you wasted an hour filling this out?

If I thought it was a waste of time, I wouldn’t have done it in the first place.

11. b) Do you have any suggestions for questions that would make this a more interesting hour for other people filling this out – or, for that matter, anything to say to them generally (please keep negativity to a minimum, folks; we already know you’re all bitingly witty)?

Since I bear full responsibility for compiling this questionnaire, it would be a bit pointless for me to suggest yet more questions; but generally I will say to you all: if you are truly incapable of having fun filling this out, then don’t bother; but I enjoyed it. Such is the nature of me… Man, I can’t believe how much I wanted to write “have a nice day” there, instead…